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:icondraws-with-words: More from draws-with-words


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Submitted on
May 27, 2011
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fake it, to make it
or,
give it, to live it

it's the creature with the crown
so, Obey, and bow down
place a plastered smile
while truth is put to trial

submit to survive
or,
let turmoil rule to feel alive

Spend your life spewing lies
dodging your demise
your integrity into infection
leaving callous corruption

forget your feelings and be filed
or,
rise up and get riled

while propaganda prospers
some fight the evasive vipers
and the bigoted bias
there is truth, so stand by us
yay, this is me being professional like, with my alliterationess and metaphoriness, I think it came out quite well. :D


__

hugs to all :hug:
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:iconrunswivdasupanatural:
RunsWivDaSupanatural Jul 5, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
"professional like" haha... This is really good. XD
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:icondraws-with-words:
draws-with-words Jul 6, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
thanx :glomp:
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:iconshaboogamoo:
shaboogamoo Jun 3, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
:O I love this
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:icondraws-with-words:
draws-with-words Jun 6, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
thankyou so much :D
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:iconpaperlemon:
amazing. i love the begining the best. it makes me wonder if lying is the right thing to do even though sometimes you need too.

its truely amazing even though ive already said it was!
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:icondraws-with-words:
draws-with-words Jun 2, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
thankyou :D :D your comments make me very happy
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:iconpaperlemon:
no problemo, you deserve it.
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:iconabrste30:
AbrSte30 May 28, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
and it did come out quite well. my only problem was the punch line at the end. i was hoping for something amazing and damnifying.
i think you cold have had a better ending line. i was kinda disappointed with just 'rise up and get riled.' i think there are a whole lotta other things you can do with it.

but over all, good poem and i got the message loud and clear. it was easy to read and your rhythm was catchy >:]]]
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:icondraws-with-words:
draws-with-words May 28, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I do see what you mean, I did have originally have this as a last verse but I didn't really like it


'while others walk on by
we can fight against the lie
fighting propaganda and bias
we will find truth, so stand by us'

but it doesn't seem to have quite the same rhythm or anything so yh... and I'm really not happy with the first line
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:iconabrste30:
AbrSte30 May 28, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I kinda like it....

maybe instead of your first line being, 'while other's walk on by-' it could be 'tonight is do or die.'

See i think the reason why you dont like the rhythm of the first line is because it doesn't roll of the tongue easily. that, and it's just out of place in the stanza. so maybe it'd be better with

'tonight is do or die,
we can fight against the lie
fighting propaganda and bias
we will find truth, so stand by us'

your choice though. :]]]]
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